The Road to Recovery

As days go on, you think it's getting better,
but for me it isn't.
I'm keeping this smile, cause without you in my life constantly
just honestly feels much better.

I guess it's time for me to move on and find me something new.
And I'll tell you the truth, I ain't happy with the things I have right now.
But looking forward to new changes makes me feel much better.
It's what keeps me smile; that real smile you see everyday...
And it's a shame that it isn't you that makes me smile as much anymore.

Your life. My life. I'll keep mine. and I'll let you live yours.

Just let me live mine.

I need to clutch. Start focusing on school and just do it.

No more "vacation" mind set. I have to realize that I am in school-mode.

That is all.

The Kickoff

I can't feel this way anymore. No more being careless and stoic. I need more positive energy to keep me moving and it agitates me that I feel lazy and chill especially when I just came back from Spring Break.

Like I mentioned earlier in my past blog, I'm overcoming a lot of changes and I'm sick of tired of feeling this way. I'm tired of shielding my emotions towards people and I miss the real me.

All I can do is that I can stay optimistic for the mean time and keep truckin' for this spring quarter. Yeah I have less units this time, but I can't stay comfortable. I have a lot of extracurricular activities as well as other commitments that I'm planning to make to keep myself busy this quarter. I can't let my emotions take over this time, and I realized that it was a regret that I made my winter quarter. I knew I could do SO much better if I didn't focus on personal problems. I should just let my passion drive this quarter, because I know I'll attain true happiness when it'll show in the future. I have the fire inside of me and so let it be.

Can't let shit get to me. Never. Cause I know I'm stronger than that. I'm Edward, and I don't let shit get to me.

I need to step up at this point and be a man. Do what it takes to survive and succeed because this is what I'm feeling for. This passion to do well in school which is for my future is on fire and I want to keep it that way. Nothing is going to stop me, nothing.... I'll do whatever it takes to reach my dreams. And someday, I will attain them. No one will ever stop me. I'll keep going. Just watch me.

Bringing some things different to the table

Oh man, today felt so tiring. I'm still tired after taking a nap! haha!

So there are things I'm bringing back differently this quarter; not so much of academics but things that have to do outside academics. I think last quarter I spent so much time on academics, that I literally went crazy. I have to admit that I didn't really balance myself out to do other things. Stress was taking its toll and I realized that over spring break I need to do other stuff other than academia life.

Today, I worked out at the gym with Aaron. I'm glad I found a person that has the same strength level as me. Oh man after working out, I already feel my body being sore. This whole day, I think that's what's really making me tired...my body.

After that, went to recycle some stuff and cleaned the apartment a bit. Made like 20 bucks off of plastic bottles. Then went to the bank to deposit money.

Kuya Ian called and we went to go get Frozen Yogurt and yogurt creations. Then went window shopping, hahaha. Too bad we didn't find anything cause there's not much selection in SLO. It hella sucks.

OH and random, but I got unlimited texting! Hella sick tho! I've been going crazy with texting ever since I got it lololol.

Then I'm here...trying to think what to do..

I think these changes are making me a bit uncomfortable, but I'm hoping to adjust soon. It's hard to stay positive when I'm at this phase, but what can I do? I'm helpless. I'm trying to change for the better and myself. I hope it turns out well...

Good Morning World; it's currently 7:11 AM

I'm currently eating a croissant and chocolate milk. What else is good in the morning though?

You're probably wondering why the hell I'm up this early. Well I slept early last night for the first time in years, to wake up for my mother's work. I kinda don't wanna say it on here to jinx on what's going to happen (don't worry it's a good thing), but I'll tell you if everything works out.

Anyway, today I have a dentist appointment at 12 PM. I'm hoping I don't get cavaties..Last time I didn't and I hope I don't have them again.

Hmm I plan to memorize my lines today for PCN and work on my costume. I bought materials last night and it was a challenge for me to buy it myself. Had to call Mike and Ryan for input since the spray paint didn't work on brown cardboard. It just looked like it was wet wtf. I just bought gold kid paint instead.

I also have to start packing for Frisco. I have to decide when to leave and stuff...Bah

Probably going to get pho today after the dentist since I have the car the whole day. Haha!

Edit://

OH and I got my grades last night. At first I wasn't too happy on what I got, but took the time and think about all the stress and tears I had to go through to get these grades. Although these are the grades that I wasn't shooting for, I think it's reasonable enough to deserve these grades. And if you guys wanted to know what I got, let's just say I managed my 3.0 for the quarter. I still think that isn't good enough, and that is why ladies and gentlemen, there is spring quarter to improve again!

Have a good day.

Monday, baby.

Oh man, I am HELLA full. What the hell did I eat today?!?!

First, got called by the best friend saying we were gunna eat Mongolian BBQ by Laguna with the rest of the brobros. Hahaha love these guys.. They taught me how to smash the frozen meat to the bottom so we can fill hella stuff on top. But ended up not finishing our meals, cause we got too much for one bowl. Then we had lollicup, even though I was still full.

Then went to go Sheldon High..Damn haven't been to high school for a long time. Walking campus made me indifferent somehow. Like I expected how my high school is supposed to be the way it is. Youngins' that try to dress to impress..Lately they've been "hype-beasting" and it's hella weird. Anyway, I tried looking for my Algebra I teacher, but I found that he isn't teaching at Sheldon anymore. Some cranky teacher told me he teaches at Johnson now. I was shocked a bit, but had to go visit my AVID 12 teacher. Luckily I ran into her while going to her classroom. Caught up a bit, but she seemed stressed and in a hurry. (I guess our lives can be like that sometimes when we need to get things done). And lastly, I visited my chemistry teacher, Ms. Laurison. Greatest AP chemistry teacher you'll ever meet. Just caught up on high school politics and what's been happenin' since I left.

After that, I just chilled at Ben's house until I went home. Played Brawl..sucked really bad cause I haven't been playing it, but whatever.

Then went home to find out we were having MIKUNI'S! But first, we were supposed to get my new phone from Boost, but saw that there were crappy ass phones for it. I think we're just going to keep the AT&T phone and just get me unlimited texting (shoot I'm fine with that). Anyway, onto Mikuni's just had hella sushi...I requested a platter that was like $65...God I love being spoiled. Kick ass Sushi, I'm tellin' you.

After that I was feelin' full...decided to hit up Ben's pad again to chill. Couldn't get gas alone because theres hella bums at night..or where I live..I can't stand them sometimes :/

Then went to Safeway to grab some sweets. Damn, dood talk about sugar overdose. I got me some Reece's pieces and eaaster egg chocolate cookies. Ended up baking it and eating it with 2% milk tho!! Oh man...then playing Mario Kart Wii. What good combination can beat that on a Monday night.

But yeah...Just made more plans for this week and it looks like I'm busy until Saturday night (when I get back).

Tomorrow, I start on PCN stuff. Mow the lawn. See the father. Probably see dad's side too.
Wednesday -> Mom's work, dentist appointment, and at night time, prolly sleep at the cousin's house.
Thursday-Friday -> yay areaaaaaaaaa and San Rafael. yee!
Saturday -> goin' back to SLO

Yes

So today, for some reason I woke up hella early..don't even know why but I was hella cravin' pancakes and orange juice. Two things I don't regularly like! Hahaha, but I had a weird ass breakfast. Mom didn't have that much stock, so I had chicken nuggets and rice (go figure).

Then got ready for my nephew's 1st birthday. I have to say that I'm hella HAPPY that I got to see my whole family again. I love updating them with new information and how I'm doing.

I got to see my favorite cousin, and we're actually going to Benedicts tomorrow for breakfast! I love her to death; she knows how to spoil me like no other haha.

Let's see, I finally got to hold my baby. Felt relaxing because I've been wanting to do this since winter break.

Oh man, I really have to mention that I miss driving! I missed driving so much because it makes me feel responsible and authorative..like I'm in control. I love it; I dunno why haha. Did I mention it's a stress reliever for me, because it makes me think of other things other than BS.

Then I watched Watchmen with Larry. I would have to admit that movie is hella different than your typical superhero movie. Although it was long, I thought it was good and worth 10 dollars (can't believe they bumped tickets to 10 dollars..where has this economy gone to?)

After Larry's just chilled at his house. I love catchin' up. Can't wait to catch up with the other guys when they get back.

Good night, forreal tho.